California is not subsequently consumed by the Fire of Hades. Surprise! Funny how the world doesn't end when things like this happen.
Meanwhile, the country continues to be embroiled in an immoral and
illegal war, the economy continues to creep toward complete meltdown,
and our president cravenly invokes "appeasement" for the purpose of
smearing a Democratic candidate while speaking in Israel. This
fucker still has half a year to destroy America, people. Don't
lose sight of that just because there's some good news from California.
What are your top five break-up songs?
Submitted by gt.
Show me the person who has put serious thought into determining his/her "Top Five Breakup Songs", and I'll show you somebody destined to die alone with 27 cats and a room full of old issues of TV Guide.
Some pop culture heresy is about to transpire here.
First: I liked Iron Man very much. It's a fun, cool, exciting movie, and Robert Downey, Jr. is so at the top of his game, he's about to become one of the biggest movie stars in the world.
However.
I fucking LOVED Speed Racer. If I could inject this candy into my veins and feel all the time the way I felt while I was watching this movie, my face would eventually cramp up from my ever-present grin of childlike glee. It's tracking at something like 35% at Rotten Tomatoes, and I can only assume that it's because "serious" movie critics have either a) never seen the source material, which the movie captures perfectly, or b) forgotten how to have fun. This is a movie for kids, but unlike most kids' fodder nowadays, it doesn't talk down or pander to them (except for one monkey-poo joke, but no movie can be perfect when it's aiming to entertain the midget set). It's exciting, fun, filled with eye-popping action scenes, and grounded in surprisingly heartfelt emotion.
If you don't take your kids to see this, you are a bad parent; if you see it and don't love it, I'm sorry that your over-developed sense of irony has killed your inner gee-whiz.
I'm not even a fan of the cartoon, but I unreservedly LOVED THIS MOVIE.
----
Not-for-kids addendum: Holy shit, Christina Ricci's Trixie is SO MOTHERFUCKING CUTE. You can upgrade my Mach 5 any time, sweetie. WOOF.
I don't know about you, but I feel VICTORIOUS AS HELL.
WOO!!
'MERICA!
Is LOLbacon?
PERHAPS!
Everybody needs to get a board and ride this wave, baby.
BACON USA!
I ran an errand for my mother today, and next to the place I was running this errand (repairing a TV part), there was a pawn shop. I had 15 minutes to kill, so I went next door to see what was up. Besides the usual jewelry and musical instruments (I saw Lisa Simpson's saxomophone in there), there was a huge selection of DVDs, CDs, and video games. I hit the DVDs and bought King of New York and A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, both of which I have not seen before, both of which are supposed to be pretty good, and both of which cost me $5 apiece.
Five bucks, kiddos. That's nothing to sneeze at. That's less than the price of a daytime movie ticket.
I took them up to the counter, where this ridiculously nice lady rang them up for me. The pawn shop is operated by a kindly old (possibly Jewish) couple, and being rung up by this woman was like being helped by my sweetest, most favorite aunt. She chatted about the movies ("Haven't seen this before, hmm...what's it about?"), looked at the discs to make sure they were unscratched, and was generally the nicest human being I've met all week long.
Which presents an interesting question: they have a shelf of hard-core porn DVDs. Picture this scenario:
"Oh, Rocco's Anal Tryouts, I haven't seen that...is it good?"
Who in their right mind purchases hard-core pawn shop pornography from the sweetest lady on Earth? I mean, 5 bucks is a swingin' deal for pawn shop porn, but come on! I don't think I'd ever be able to look her in the eyes again. Anyway, I can see myself spending a lot of spare cash at this place, filling out my DVD shelves with the crushed hopes and dreams of my fellow man.
Good times!
LOLBACON!
Everybody's going to be doing this tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm TOO highly evolved, that perhaps my race of beings, which for the sake of convenience I'll call the Darshael, (which is nowhere near what we actually call ourselves, but you know, the usual: human tongues, super-intelligent omniscient names...not a good combination) is over-advanced. I...well, not worry, because we overcame such petty emotions as "worrying" a few millenia ago...let's say I'm concerned? Yes, concerned. Maybe I'm just too damn all-knowing. You're probably thinking, "How is that possible? You are so further advanced than myself, a mere human, that I cannot even begin to comprehend how you could, uh..." Then you trail off, scratch your genitals and check to see what's on Spike TV.
Let me put it this way: When do you think I was last surprised? Any guesses? I'll make it easy for you: NEVER. I have NEVER been surprised. It can get just a trifle dreary watching every day transpire exactly the way you calculated it would about 900 years ago. Can you dig that, primate? Nobody has ever thrown me a surprise party or played a practical joke on me. When your current American Presidential Election is finally decided, the result will not be a shock to me. Nor will the series finale of your television program Lost. Now, I would never watch a television program, for the obvious reason that I am beyond such trivialities, but maybe it would be sort of nice if I COULD. You know, just tune in every week and wonder how Pam and Jim are getting along on The Office, or what sort of zingers Jon Stewart will deliver on his Daily Show. I know that these shows exist, because I know all, but I've never seen a single episode, because it would be POINTLESS. I know everything that happens, to all people, both real and fictional, everywhere in the universe, forever. Let that seep into the disgusting lump of gray matter that you call a "brain".
So that's my problem. I am just WAY too god-like for my own good. Like, for you to meet a life-form as beneath you as you are to me, that lifeform would have to be no more developed than a corn flake. A soggy corn flake. That sat in the bowl in room-temperature milk all night long. And then was eaten by your cat, who promptly vomited it up because he is lactose-intolerant. Okay? That lifeform would need to be a soggy cornflake that was eaten and subsequently regurgitated by a cat. An especially DUMB cat. Maybe one that was inbred and had an exceptionally small head.
That's it for now. Enjoy electing an insect to run your little insect country. We'd laugh at you, if we hadn't evolved past the need for crass ejaculations of mirth. You probably just chuckled at the word "ejaculations", didn't you, human? This is why you are pathetic.
Well, now. Let's do it.
What's Pissing Me Off
1. The weather. It's balls. I want it to warm and dry up and stop being gray and damp and shitty every day.
2. Waiting for Obama to finally nail this thing shut. I am getting really tired of seeing Hillary's fake-smiling skull all over the damn place.
3. My own lack of motivation regarding my myriad creative projects.
What's Keeping Me Going
1. Jill (Again!).
2. Video chatting. It's the coolest thing ever. I am so living in the future now. Jane, get me off this crazy thing!
3. The Sword--Gods of the Earth. Seriously, people: it's THAT GOOD.
