One Day as a Lion

2008-07-17T17:49:52Z

I have it on good authority that Zack de la Rocha is a douche and a hypocrite in his personal life, but as a music fan I must divorce such considerations from the equation when I listen to the product. His new project is called One Day as a Lion, and the first song is up at the band's MySpace page. I think the absence of Tom Morello's showoffy guitar gimmicks makes for a much more inviting and organic sound, but what do I know? I dig this song. Check it out.

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WALL-E

2008-07-15T04:18:30Z

I am not in the habit of seeing animated movies theatrically, if at all. In my adult life, here are the animated features I have bothered to see on the big screen:

Aladdin
The Incredibles
WALL-E

The reason I don't usually bother with these films is pretty simple: they usually suck. Also, they always cram in a bunch of stupid singing to disguise the fact that they don't have more than 40 minutes of story. ALSO, it's becoming more and more common today for the average quickie animated movie to feature CGI that looks worse than a community college student's final Computer Animation project.

But make no mistake about this film: this is a work of art, by craftsmen who care very deeply about such moldy old concepts as story, character and theme. These concepts are not just rickety skeletons upon which to hang a sequence of tacky gags; they are the fundamental ingredients of a timeless story.

Admittedly, the third act is not as intriguing as what came before, and the story does inevitably bow to the demands of formula. This is, after all, in the final summation a kids' film. A very good kids' film, but a movie for tykes nonetheless.

Unless you are possessed of a cold, flinty heart of emotionless obsidian, this movie will touch you, and you will believe that a junky old robot can find love with an iPod.

Pros: Everything about this film, even the too-pat third act, except for:

Fuck-You-in-the-Eyes Cons: The pet cockroach. I'm sorry, Disney Pixar: I can believe in the central premise of your film, but I CANNOT suspend my disbelief enough to swallow a cockroach who acts like a puppy dog. Fuck whatever focus-group jagoff convinced you to put this bullshit in your movie.

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Death of a Dream

2008-07-14T22:56:45Z

GUEST BLOGGER: The Fake Celebrity

Fans, it is with a heavy heart that I report the end of Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman's relationship. Yep. I just read it. It's all over the gossip websites that my, uh, assistant reads and forwards to me. Terrible, the things they publish in there, like Sienna Miller prancing around topless or girls in short skirts getting out of limos with no underwear on, which, you should know, I am 100% NOT in favor of.

But this news really hit me in the gut. Kimmel/Silverman (or "Jimmerman" as I called them) seemed like a down-to-earth couple that really had love and that kind of shit on their side. Think about it: he was a shlubby comedian who liked beer and lesbians; she was a hot Jewess who sang songs about anal sex and racism--they were meant for each other. Anybody could see that. Many is the time I imagined Jimmerman snuggled up all comfy in their bed, telling dirty jokes and smelling each other's farts until they drifted off to smutty dreamland.

What the hell does this mean for the rest of us? What chance do I and the next 19-year old Russian tennis pro I get with have if these two perfectly-matched lovebirds couldn't make it work? What the hell happened? I have a few theories:

They were having sex and Sarah Silverman pooped on Jimmy Kimmel. Seem outrageous? I don't think so; she has a long-established interest in poop.
She really was fucking Matt Damon.
She took a long, sober look at Jimmy Kimmel bending over naked for his pants one morning.
Perhaps one cannot build a relationship on poop and fart jokes alone. It's a sad truth we all need to learn and reflect upon, I think.

What comes next? I don't know, but if Sarah Silverman would like my number for any reason she KNOWS HOW TO REACH ME (HINT HINT). And, hey, Jimmy, no offense, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to rescind that BBQ invitation. It was given with the understanding that you'd be bringing Sarah, and, uh...yeah, sorry, this sucks, man, but you know how it is.

(Sarah: I am willing to let you do that thing that you maybe did to Jimmy Kimmel that he didn't like, whatever it was. Seriously, call me.)

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Tibetan Food

2008-07-13T19:04:42Z

Cafe Shambala

We went to Cafe Shambala yesterday, which is a Tibetan eatery here in Salt Lake City, the Pearl of the Desert. I'd never had Tibetan food before.

It turns out that it's very much like Indian food, except with more chili spice. They serve a lunch buffet for $7.88, which includes such delights as spicy potatoes, spicy cubed tofu, spicy rice, mo-mos (little samosa-like pastries), and other items, most of which are spicy. The dinner menu is much broader, and we plan to go back for dinner very soon.

If you like it spicy and filling, I heartily recommend Tibetan food, and especially Cafe Shambala in picturesque Salt Lake City, Utah.

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Witness My Awesome Power to Shock and Electrify!

2008-07-13T03:29:08Z

Electro Strikes!

The dry desert climate here has created something I am not accustomed to: namely, a new awesome ability to store and deliver stunning shock attacks. I simply shuffle my feet on the carpet, intentionally or not, and then I gain the power to send powerful beams of electricity into various doorknobs, light-switches, laptop computers, and unwary human beings. Truly, I am a changed man.

To be determined: whether this superpower should be used for good or evil. Check your local news to find out what my decision will be, true believers!

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The Roots

2008-07-11T17:47:10Z

They played here last night for free as part of SLC's Twilight Concert Series, a series of outdoor concerts in the evening that runs for six weeks. They are far and away the biggest band playing this series, and this was reflected in the fact that the venue was wall-to-wall flesh. Even veterans of previous Twilight Concert Series (such as Jill) said that they'd never seen this many people at one of these.

I didn't take my phone, so I have no photos, but just imagine a public square thronged shoulder-to-shoulder with hippies and hipsters and you'll get an idea of what it was like.

All in all, I enjoyed it. The Roots are one of the best live bands on the planet, and Black Thought is an electrifying performer. However, I could have done without the 15-20 minute anti-war dirge (complete with dreaded drum solo; okay, I get it: ?uestlove is an accomplished drummer. I knew that already), followed immediately by a long free-form jazz-funk jam featuring Black Thought's annoying scatting. Folks, this is a bad way to close a show. It's a good thing you encored with "The Seed" and won the crowd back after that shit (even though "The Seed", as probably your biggest hit, is hardly encore material...this is a "fake encore", and I don't dig that built-in encore gimmick).

The highlight of the show, for me at least, was a long mid-concert medley of rap classics from the likes of ODB, Method Man, Biz Markie, Talib Kweli, even Salt-n-Pepa, all performed as good as or better than the originals.

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[advertising is good]

2008-07-08T17:19:16Z

Can we please keep marketing separate from the module on the main page that is supposed to represent the best of user-created content? Anybody who gives two shits that the Olsen twins are launching another crappy tentacle of their empire already knows this, because they read about it in Talentless Troll Doll Monthly. Why must I be burdened with this information upon signing into my account?

I am very suspicious of your motivation behind featuring the Olsens and Jennifer Lopez in this space, Vox. Please mark advertising, sponsored links, sponsored blogs, etc., as such, CLEARLY, and leave the damn [this is good] module alone. Maybe if that module came across as more than a crass marketing tool, I might click on something in there once in awhile.

This sort of stuff just emphasizes the morphing of Vox into a cold, brutal marketing platform, and I don't like it. My enthusiasm for participating here wanes monthly, and this mercenary vibe is part of the reason.

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What Madness Is This?

2008-07-05T17:25:14Z

GUEST BLOGGER: Captain Haddeus Moorsby

The sea. It is a harsh mistress, a nagging wife, and the soothing bosom of a Thai ladyboy. We have been adrift for...days? Weeks? The passage of time is difficult to gauge, as the stars have changed in the night sky and I suspect we have entered strange waters.

The other day or possibly month we landed a dinghy on a small island with a pool of thick, stagnant water at the center of it. There was no fruit or wildlife to speak of, and if that isn't bad enough the stagnant pool appeared to be a home or passageway to an ancient aquatic horror out of the darkest and most deranged of inhuman nightmare. It took both Rogers and Old Deke while the rest of us were still fumbling for our atl-atls.

I think. The entire experience could very well have been a pipe dream. Perhaps Rogers and Old Deke are both alive and well and it hasn't been their sickly ghosts tormenting me deep in the night, when come the demons and succubi.

Subsisting mainly on boots and urine these days.

Captain Haddeus Moorsby
Sometime in the 19th Century, unless we have drifted through a time portal.

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Vox Hunt: The Unexplainable

2008-07-05T16:26:46Z

Show us something you can't explain.

Flag Lapel Pin

How did the flag lapel pin come to be the most pressing political issue of our day? Who wears one, who doesn't, who wears it occasionally, who didn't wear it until somebody pointed it out, who wears it but isn't REALLY patriotic? Honestly, I would vote for the politician who never wears one and can articulate why such displays of nationalism are empty, craven gestures over the one who never leaves the house without one. Obama didn't used to wear one all the time; now he does, which is ironic for the man who claims to not "do cowering". Among the many reasons I'm losing respect for him on a daily basis is the shameless and cowardly fashion in which he has caved on this issue.

The last time there was a political movement so concerned with image and flag and symbology, you know what it was? Can you guess? I'll give you one guess.

Here's a hint:

Godwin Can Go Screw

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"Jaws 2"

2008-07-05T05:21:25Z

I'm watching it on AMC right now. It's been awhile. Jaws is one of my favorite films, and the sequel is nothing more than a cheap knockoff with less talented people and a very obviously tired and resigned Roy Scheider, but it has a certain lunatic charm. It is simultaneously ridiculous and awesome. The shark is an unstoppable, superpowered cyborg killing machine.

Next time you're watching a movie, and you're thinking that maybe it's a badass flick, ask yourself this question:

Does it feature a shark eating a helicopter?

If the answer is "no", then it is my solemn duty to report that the film is less awesome than Jaws 2.

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